I thought it best to give you some more background on myself so as to extend some context in understanding such a complex individual.
I am an educated male. I know ladies, I know what you're saying, "Good looks and smarts? How is this possible?" Well believe me I know it is rare. Although I no longer have the means to procreate I still know what it is to sexually yearn. I will, however, not tempt you with such talk.
I believe it was Rene Descartes who said, " I think therefore I am." Generally I am not a fan of French existentialism, but this seems to suit me in a way. I tend to focus on pursuits of the intellect. I am a dog of literature, a dog of Sylvia Plath, a dog of Flannery O'Connor, not so much a dog of John Grisham. Don't bore me with the story of a small town everyday lawyer in over his head overcoming the scandals of a corporation of lawyers. Yawn. Give me a soft light, in a cozy room, an equally soft chair, a 1963 Cabernet water, Ravel's 'Bolero', and a novel that stirs I will be nearly truly happy.
Yet,I would not be entirely truthful if I did not mention that although I pursue the fancies of the higher class there is but one thing I truly truly pursue. Being petted. That is it. Aaaaaah, yes, petting. I believe it was Sophocles' dog who said, "Steal the arts away from my cool grip, ravage the love from my open arms, pillage the very breath from my pant, but lo! I need none of these as I need the caress of the gods upon my pelt."
I have made it the goal of my life, the passion of my existence to be petted as much as is possible. I have many tools at my discretion for making this happen. I wiggle, I dance, I jump, I sigh, I wiggle, I roll on my back, I shed like the carpet is on fire and the only means to put it out is to drench it in my own fur. The common Houghtons are like putty in my hands when I employ these tools. Especially the kindly pale man who goes by the moniker of Jeff. If you know one thing about me know this: I will do whatever is within my power (or beyond for that matter) to be petted as much as I can. I look at it as a life goal. Some paint, some give to the needy, some pursue money, yet it is all a chasing of the wind in comparison to "the caress of the gods upon my pelt."
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5 comments:
sam, you are so wise. i never knew you were so educated. i just know that anytime i'm around you now, i'm going to feel grossly inadequate next to your intellect. i, too, have many tools at my disposal to get petted, but they all require a knowledge of how the opposite sex thinks. your ways, by comparison, seem much better, as they go for the innate tendencies of all humans to want to pet a soft pelt. you have bested me again. touche.
Sammy-
You are very good about getting our masters to pet you, and consequently you steal ALL of the petting saving none for me. And please stop shedding, its making me sneeze.
Oh dear. I think I am in love. That you are another male dog makes no difference. My last mate was a pillow.
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Well written article.
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